Confessions of a Middle Age Astrophysicist
by fallenflames
Summary: Because we all know how much Rodney likes to ramble. Tag for "The Shrine". I put Ronon and Jennifer as the characters even though it's Rodney talking because it's his views on them... sorta. Very, very mild innuendo, blink and you'll miss it. Enjoy!


I guess this could be considered AU, or we could just say it was the parasite talking, up to you...

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it doesn't belong to me.

**Spoilers:** "The Shrine", "Quarantine", "Sateda", and "Sunday" if you squint...

**Dedication:** To Nika Dixon and everyone who has a fic on the "The Doctor and The Wild Man" community for making my love of the Ronon/Jennifer-ship into an addiction! The ship will never sink!

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**Confessions of a Middle-Age Astrophysicist**

"I-I love you. I have for some time now." The video image of Rodney McKay paused and looked down smiling slightly before continuing. "I just thought you should know…"

Jennifer Keller watched the screen as Rodney took a deep breath and looked her in the eye, just behind and faintly to the left of the video camera lens, "I don't really know when it started, for… obvious reasons. But, I wanted to get this out, while I still remember. I know, you all don't want me to say goodbye, but I want you to understand, I'm… not saying it because I'm giving up or- or because I think you'll give up, it's just… I've never been good at telling the people I care about- my family- that I care about them. So, I want to say it while I still… I want to say it.

"I've… always been afraid of letting people get close. Because I was smarter than the other kids growing up, it was either bully or be bullied; and over time it became habit a- a permanent wall to protect myself from everyone who could hurt me, even my family. Especially my family. I can't remember a lot of my childhood anymore, but I do remember one time during winter break, when my father was very ill. I don't know if it was life-threatening at the time, but I do recall that it was just Jeannie and I, our mother had already passed, and we were really scared that he would die, too." Rodney sighed, one corner of his mouth twitching up in a half-smirk, "I don't think Jeannie was even in double digits yet. Anyway, it's the one time, that I can remember anyway, that we got along. For… I think… ten whole days we didn't argue. Not once. We would get up, Jeannie would fix us a bowl of cereal for breakfast while I'd heat some broth for our dad and bring him his medicine. Then I'd eat breakfast with my sister and she'd sit with Dad in the mornings while I…" Rodney's voice faltered and his brow creased as he fought to remember, "I think I cleaned, or something. Then I'd take him his lunch and sit with him all afternoon, keeping the cloth on his forehead cool, reading to him, and helping him clean up. Jeannie'd make dinner for the two of us and then we'd both go sit with him, all night, until it was our bedtime. We'd go to sleep, wake up, and start the whole thing over again.

"When the doctor came to the house again after… however long it was… and told us he'd be fine and that we'd done a good job taking care of him, Jeannie burst into tears." Rodney smiled and swallowed hard, his eyes visibly misty, even on the scaled screen. "It was the first time she'd cried since he'd gotten sick. It's also the only time I was ever the one to init- init- the one to hug _her _instead of the other way around. We just stood there, in the middle of the living room, for at least half an hour. I don't know when, but somewhere during that time I'd started to cry, too. We were both just so relieved.

"Anyway, the next day, Jeannie brought me breakfast in bed… and I know no matter how bad this… thing gets, I'll never forget the smile she gave me that morning. She… just looked so bright, and- and happy and I couldn't believe that she was looking at me like that. Like, like she was proud of me… like she loved me…"

Rodney paused for a long moment, his eyes refocusing on hers as his mind returned to the present. "I know I'm… I'm rambling and I know you're probably confused, but I do have a reason for telling you that story, really. Because, well… whenever I see you smile… that's the image that pops into my head. I see Jeannie, holding a tray in her tiny hands and smiling at me like I'm the best big brother in the world.

"So… I _do_ love you, Jennifer. I just think, it's a different kind of love than I'd originally thought. You're the… second sister I never had-" Jennifer smiled as she heard her own laugh from off-screen and saw Rodney smile crookedly in return, "you're the sweet, self-less baby sister that would have kept Jeannie and I together. And I know I'm a better person for having known you. For having been friends with you.

"Now, as your self-appointed big brother, I'm ordering you to find a good man to settle down with. John is-" This time Jennifer laughed as she heard herself, unsuccessfully, trying to stop Rodney from continuing with this vein and keep her dignity at the same time.

"Hey! Dying man speaking here, Doctor. Consider this part of my will, eh-" he interrupted- "I'm not done. Now, where was I… right, John. He's a good man, reasonably smart, I guess," It looked like it pained him to admit it, but Jennifer guessed the important thing was that Rodney admitted it at all, "got better luck than… than… I don't know, people who win the lottery, loyal, and every human or humanoid woman we meet seem to think he's the most handsome and charming thing around.

"And that… Major… the one just under John… the one who paints… and enjoys throwing paper airplanes at my head," Of _course_ that's what he'd remember, because God forbid Dr. Rodney McKay pay attention to people's names, Jennifer rolled her eyes but didn't stop the grin from forming as she watched Rodney's form glare at an imaginary Evan Lorne, "The one all the women sigh at when he smiles that… dimpled smile… He's a good man, too. From what I remember, you two seem to get along well. Actually, from what I recall _everyone _gets along with him. To the point where it's weird, seriously, I was gonna run some tests on him with Ze… Ra… that Czech, the one whose name I can never remember. We think there's something about him that encourages people to like him…

"Anyway, ever since my, uh, great revelation that I love you like a sister I've been trying to watch you and the guys around you. Granted my memory isn't… and I'm the first to admit, I didn't know at least nine out of ten of the people working in this city even before I… well, there's a reason I saved this guy for last: Ronon." Jen felt her cheeks flushing as her mind happily skipped back to the false quarantine and the "almost kiss".

"I've seen the way he looks at you, when he comes in and the way you look at him once he's looking in the other direction or once his back is turned… although, you also give him quite another look once his back is turned, ANYWAY-" Rodney raised his voice to be heard over her indignant squawk, "I remember John and Teyla telling me that you were stuck in the infirmary alone with Ronon when the city went into that… um… lock… down… yes, lock down. I _think_ that's when the looks started; at least, that's when I noticed them, anyway. Sometimes… he looks at you with so much sadness and… _fear_ that I think he'll break. I haven't seen that look on his face since… since we rescued him on Sateda. And then… you'll smile, or laugh, or do that cute little pout you do when you can't figure something out and suddenly he'll look at you with so much intensity and happiness that the first time I saw it I thought he'd lost his mind. I mean, I've seen a… a glee… ful… Ronon before, usually when we out gun a bunch of Wraith or when the cafeteria has chocolate pudding for dessert but never a 'happy Ronon'. Until now; until you.

"I don't think you'd find a more honorable man in either galaxy. Seriously, that guy's got more honor in him than some countries back home... except Canada, of course. He doesn't hold himself back; he's an 'all or nothing' kind of guy. But he's also… noble, I guess would be the word. He'd stay right next to you until his dying breath while never once pushing you for something more. And he's more intelligent than most of the people on this base give him credit for. Yeah, yeah, I know I call him a… a… I know I've made jokes about his lack of intelligence, but even I'm not _that_ blind. I've seen the way he analyzes everything in a single glance, the way he teaches the marines in various forms of combat, the way he commits everything he sees and hears to memory. You know, he's never once gotten lost in this city? I couldn't remember how to get from my room to my lab for two weeks. I had to draw a map…

"He may not know anything about science or much about medicine, but that doesn't make him unintelligent. Even I'll admit, in doctor/patient confidentiality of course, that I seriously doubt any type of military would promote an idiot to the rank of 'Specialist'… even if he hasn't told us what that would correlate to in Earth terms.

"He's the best man I know in two galaxies. I think he'd make you happy, Jennifer. So, as your older brother I give you my blessing to jump Ronon at your earliest convenience. Or he could jump you, whichever you like. Besides, it's comforting for a brother to know that his sister's with a man who could and would disembowel anyone who upsets her. Of course, Teyla could do it too. And, you know, it's absolutely fine if you swing _that way_-"

Jennifer shook her head as she heard herself finally force McKay into repeating the phrases he was _supposed_ to have been saying before he started rambling about Jeannie and the merits of every man on base.

Still, Jennifer supposed as she turned off the recording and started shutting down the infirmary for a much needed good night's sleep, in his own way, Rodney McKay was the sweetest older brother a girl could ask for.

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**A/N: **Because I frimly believe that Rodney and Jennifer make wonderful siblings and Ronon and Jennifer make one hot couple! I tried to leave it open, I was thinking of writing a second chappie where the team minus Rodney, plus Evan see the video. Whad'ya think?

I had Rodney call Ronon "the best man" in case I felt like writing a tag to "Tracker".


End file.
